Recently, I’ve been doing quite a bit of wedding date selection for couples (and I will be offering this on soon). Selecting a wedding date is difficult but not hard – there is a lot to coordinate and match when it comes to picking a good day but its possible to find a good number of good wedding dates in any given year.

The grief usually comes from the couple. Typically, I get requests from people are are well-intentioned (ie: looking to please superstitious parents, or who just want to cover all the bases) but don’t realise that good dates and weekends, Sundays, Saturdays, the hotel’s availability, our-special-day-when-we-met/when-he-proposed/our-first-date do not always coincide. In other words, it is not easy to find a date that matches the requirements of the bride and groom and their family. Many people often do this on a date that is convenient or does not involve any queues and then focus all their energy (and date selection demands) on the banquet, religious ceremony or wedding dinner.
There is of course, an absolutely brilliant get around to this problem that many people do not realise. It is called the Registration Day.

In Malaysia (and in most countries which require civil registration of a marriage for it to be legally recognised), a marriage is only considered legal when it has been registered. Religious ceremonies of any denomination are insufficient – you need to sign documents before the Registrar of Marriages in order to be legally considered man and wife.

The truth is (and this is clearly explained in Joey Yap’s book, The Art of Date Selection) you can have your banquet or party on any day that suits your convenience, the hotel’s schedule or your romantic preference. This date does not actually matter. The date that matters is the legal registration date.

I have lost count of the number of times when I have provided a couple a date that has been carefully matched to their BaZi, only for them to decide that

a) it’s not convenient even if it only requires a minor adjustment on their part to Register on that particular day

b) they don’t really need a really good day – just a good day (and the difference is?)

c) they want a good date for the banquet not the registration (the banquet is not of significance!)

The long and the short of it, when it comes to deciding if you want to select a date for your marriage, is just how committed to the idea you are. Honestly, if you are simply doing it to appease parents, a superstitious grandmother or to cover your cultural bases, you might as well toss a dart at the pages of the Tong Shu (Almanac) and use that date. These motivations are usually not sufficient for you to be willing to commit to a good date.

Incidentally, if your BaZi indicates problems with marriage, you ignore a good date at your peril!

Many people do not understand that when you are given a generic good wedding date, that is not matched to your personal BaZi and that of your prospective spouse, it is as good as using any date. A generic good wedding date can still be bad, if you have the unfortunate luck of selecting a date that just happens to be unfavourable for you or your spouse or both of you, from a marriage standpoint (it can happen!).

In truth, getting a good date for marriage is not hard to accommodate. As the date that matters is the registration date, you can simply chose to sign the legal documents on the date provided by the date selection expert, and then have your banquet, party, bridal shower etc on whatever date suits the convenience of your friends, caterer, hotel, personal diary, weekend requirement etc.

Of course, if your BaZi shows no issues with your marriage or spousal relationship, then that’s fine. But most of the cases I’ve done to date, have shown some measure of problem in one way or another. But without doing a BaZi consult, people often are not aware of their potential problem and so do not see the importance of adhering to a good date. So, it all actually starts, with understanding your Romantic Destiny really!

For those interested in reading up on the topic, check out Joey Yap’s The Art of Date Selection series, specifically, Personal Date Selection.

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